EAP Episode 7: Krystal Rising – Prioritizing Healthy Relationships
Krystal Rising is our guest on this episode of the Early Accountability Podcast with Kimi Walker. Krystal is a mother of 3 boys under the age of 4 and is a writer and blogger at www.nubianwellness.com. When Krystal started blogging there, she wrote about her dating relationship with the man who would eventually become her husband, and she now focuses on healthy family relationships.
Krystal’s advice about maintaining a healthy dating relationship is to keep the lines of communication open, to talk about whatever you are feeling, and to make your intentions clear with each other early on. She has noticed that relationships within the black community are viewed differently by society than other relationships, which is unwarranted. Krystal and her husband intentionally set aside time to plan out their schedules to ensure time for work, for the kids, and for their own relationship, specifically planning one date night per month.
Krystal’s guidance to people who wonder if they are in an unhealthy relationship is to step back and evaluate the relationship and look for any warning signs that you might have experienced in previous unhealthy relationships. At that point, you have to decide whether you are going to stay in the relationship and communicate your concerns with your partner or if it is time for you to leave the relationship.
Topics Covered in This Episode:
- The progression of Krystal’s blog posts as her own relationship status has progressed
- How to know if you are in an unhealthy relationship
- Ways to maintain your healthy relationship
- Krystal’s life verse: 2 Timothy 1:7
We evolved into something so strong and you know three kids later and we’re building a life together.
If a person is verbally abusing you, you can assume that eventually it’s going to get worse – and even if it doesn’t, verbal abuse is just as bad. #HealthyRelationships
When I was in a relationship that wasn’t healthy it took me [taking] a step back to see that ‘this isn’t right’. #HealthyRelationships
Krystal Rising, born and raised in Orlando, Florida now resides in Jacksonville, Florida with her husband and 3 boys. As a stay at home mommy, she often writes and blogs about her experiences of being a young mother, wife, and interacting in all aspects of healthy relationships. A lover of health and wellness, she also enjoys writing screenplays, sports, and exploring new cooking and baking recipes.
Connect with Krystal:
Nubian Wellness: www.nubianwellness.com
Introduction: Welcome to the Early Accountability Podcast hosted by can Kimi Walker. Kimi has a track record of serving as a behavior change and improvement catalyst for individuals, groups, and organizations. Get ready to make the best version of yourself a priority. Now, welcome, Kimi Walker.
Kimi: Hello, Kimi Walker here and welcome to the next episode Early Accountability Podcast. I have with me, this evening Krystal Rising. Hi, Krystal.
Kimi: Why don’t you go ahead and just start off by telling the audience a little bit about yourself.
Krystal: Okay, my name is Krystal as you already said. I am a mother of three beautiful boys and I currently now working on doing more writing and blogs on healthy relationships, if that’s with romantic relationships with your family, children things of that nature and I really am starting to focus on those relationships as it relates to in the black community because I see that is lacking and you don’t necessarily see it represented correctly everywhere. So, that’s what I do or that’s what I’m currently working on. I started out actually doing this in college with the Nubian Wellness website when I was at school at Florida A&M University, go (Inaudible, 01:29)
Krystal: And that was a really fun experience because I used to just growing up I would do you know a little poetry here and there and then I would do speeches and then just kind of evolve to doing blogs and just talking about my personal experiences and seeing that – that can help someone out there even if it’s just one person and then I’ve helped someone. I always found good joy in doing that so, that’s kind of how I got started and where I am now.
Kimi: All right, okay and I think it is kind of cool that I know you started on Nubian Wellness and when I look back at some of your blog post just how your life has kind of evolved and how your relationship has matured. What do you feel that you learned or able to gain when you started like publicly blogging about your relationship at the time was more of a dating and now you’re married. What do you see when you look back that as far as the evolution of the relationship?
Krystal: It’s funny because what I would blog about in college was relationship that I’m in now, which is with my husband, it was more of a casual dating and I just find it interesting and funny how we evolved into something so strong and you know three kids later and we’re building a life together. All that came from me doing that blog and getting the courage to talk to him when I needed to talk to him about and figuring out, you know where we would go with that relationship and what to actually do from there even being young and stupid and it was in my early 20’s so…
Kimi: What made you have the courage to have that talk or what made you feel like you were ready, or he was ready? Like how would somebody, who may be in a similar place like you were, like in their early 20s like what kind of advice would you give them?
Krystal: I would say from the beginning talk about whatever you’re feeling. With us it had to be dramatic, which was our first child because I got pregnant in my last semester, so we were kind of forced to talk about what we needed to talk about but now that’s obviously not everybody’s situation but if you can get there before…
Krystal: Maybe get there then that’s great. I would encourage even if you’re casually dating to just keep open lines of communication because you never know if someone is feeling or thinking unless you ask, or they tell you.
Kimi: All right and that’s good and I think to, you bring up a good point so just really kind of learning to make your intentions clear like early on. A big thing you said was about healthy relationships and the African-American community. What you get from the imagery that you see regarding African-Americans, whether it’s just in like parenting relationships or romantic relationships, relationships with friends or family? What do you feel that is kind of portrayed in the media versus what would you like to see more of in the media or out in the social realm?
Krystal: Well, honestly what I see portrayed a lot especially being, just being a young couple and married and already having children. I don’t see a committed relationship being celebrated within the black community and even within just media in general, you don’t necessarily see black couples being celebrated, whether you’re straight, gay couple, whatever kind of couple you are, it’s not celebrate because I’ve had many instances which I find interesting, if I went to a grocery store somewhere, just somewhere out not necessarily on a date or anything but if I have my wedding ring on I get treated differently than when I don’t and when they see us together with our children I often get asked, “are they our children?” Or “did I have it with another person?” And things like, little things like that where I don’t necessarily think that the other person or the other race is racist, or they don’t feel like that’s a bad thing but it’s not portrayed too much in media, so you don’t necessarily see that. You don’t see relationships portrayed within a black community especially marriages and long marriages. What you see is people with five and six “baby daddies” and “baby mamas” but you don’t see a happy couple together…
Krystal: And then if you do they all automatically assume that one was cheating or it’s just a front for something else or they’re on the down low, anything like that but it’s never just a happy couple, whatever skin color they are.
Kimi: You said that when you’re out if you have like on your ring versus if you didn’t people which treat you differently. What does that kind of look like or what do they do?
Krystal: I get a lot because obviously if you’re going just to get groceries or your, you know doing like a little bit of shopping you’re not necessarily dressed your best. I get kind of the, it’s a shock look in their eyes. I don’t know if I just pick up on that or am I just reading too much into it? But I can pick up on some people, they automatically look to see any signs of my wealth based on how I look and then if they see that I’m married then it’s a little bit more shocking.
Kimi: Yes, like status.
Krystal: Yeah, and it’s even more shockingly to see us together.
Kimi: Oh, I got you. Oh wow. That’s kind of sad, you know when you look at it like just, I think what you’re doing, what you’ve been doing over the years really kind of blogging about the evolution of yourself and your relationship and now into having a family is really beneficial to some people who may not feel that, that’s something that’s attainable for them or something that may be in their future not that it’s equated to any kind of sense of worth in any means but I think you really gave a very candid look into you to show that it’s just not oh, you know, now with social media everything, it’s like the cute pictures and people just act like they don’t have problems and you really were talking about some real stuff like going along. I think, we even have, when you found you were pregnant on the blog and that was like what was your reality at the time. If, I know you’ve talked a lot and when you were a FAMU, when you were at Florida A&M, you used to do a lot of coaching and mentoring people who might be going through a hard time or just kind of had some experiences in their life that they have put them into some unhealthy patterns. What advice would you have to someone who doesn’t feel that they have healthy relationships or are able to maintain or start healthy relationships? What kind of advice which you give them?
Krystal: I would say if you’re still like in that situation kind of take a step back from it and look at it from a different point of view because in my past relationships when I was in a relationship that wasn’t healthy it took me as well as one of my best friends to force me to take a step back to see that this isn’t right. So, it may take you personally doing that, it may take a friend…an actual friend, not someone who just wants to see you down or just you know whatever for their benefit but it takes, you have to, sometimes you have to take your emotions out of it to see if you need to be in that place or if you need to run away and figure how to get out fast.
Kimi: How would someone, let’s say if someone’s had a pattern of unhealthy relationships and they’re actively trying to work on being better. What kind of tips or pointers would you give them especially if they’re starting a family or have aspirations to have a family to make sure that those things don’t trickle over to their kids or their dynamics with their children?
Krystal: Yes, honestly, it’s a daily saying you have to actively think about where those things in a relationship that you had in the past are unhealthy and look for those signs. If you see that coming into your new relationship because there’s some, just a basic one, if a person is verbally abusing you, you can assume that eventually it’s going to get worse – and even if it doesn’t, verbal abuse is just as bad so at some point you have to understand that and actively work towards not letting that come into the relationship and if it does then decide whether you either want to stay there or leave the relationship especially before their children are involved because that just makes it much more complicated.
Kimi: Right, right.
Krystal: (Inaudible, 10:12) Children makes everything more complicated, even if it is a good relationship is still even more complicated. You have little humans that you have to help out.
Kimi: Now that you have such a small family, you have a very young family and you have twins which I think is an important factor, so you are super mom.
Krystal: And all boys.
Kimi: And all boys all under the age of four?
Kimi: Yes, so three boys under the age of four. You are a busy woman. I’m sure you’re tired. So, how do you practice, still practice your self-care and how do you still work on making sure that you and your husband have a healthy relationship as well or continue strengthening it?
Krystal: We actually had to sit down and figure out how like a schedule like this is time we’re at work, this is the time we are going to spend on our kids, this is the time that we’re going to have just for us. We’re not going to talk about babies or work or bills, or anything like that so we have to get to a point where we physically sat down and figure out when to do it because it got to a point where we were basically roommates, we didn’t even have any intimate time, not even just sex, just you know, not even just talking to each other one on one.
Krystal: So, we had to physically say at this point in time we shut down, we’re not on our phones, we’re not, sometimes, we don’t even have the TV on we just look at each other and talk or even if it’s just a movie because our thing is we love movies so we’ll watch movies or we’ll you know make up our own movies, you know things like that but we have to set a certain time where it’s just us. So, that was really helpful, I try to come up with at least once a month we do an actual date, like something cute or you know we have kids so we don’t really go out too much so I try to find little things that we could do in the house that still bond us together and makes it fun is not just sitting on the couch looking at each other.
Kimi: Yes, lively. Oh, that’s good. So…
Krystal: Obviously, we’re still young and we’re, we’re both really goofy so.
Kimi: Yes, and I know your kids are young too so there’s not a lot of little lot of things that they can do you know, in places even if you went out you know there is not a lot of places that are very kid-friendly I find. I know you still blog on Nubian Wellness, I know you have some other writings for your journeys that you’re gathering and putting together when you do launch your own personal website. How would someone be able to get in contact with you or follow you or be aware when your new website launches?
Krystal: Right now, if you just go into my LinkedIn which is just my first and last name so Krystal with a K, last name is Rising like Rising Star and then I’ll have updates on that as I progress and move forward with my website.
Kimi: Yes, and you have writings on Nubianwellness.com.
Krystal: As well.
Krystal: I’ve grown up from what? 21, 22?
Kimi: Okay, that is a really good one, but I know there is one still on the front page so definitely Nubianwellness.com as well. Krystal, what in summation, what would you say is like your personal mantra, your quote? Like the words that you live by day to day for yourself whether it’s strengthening your relationship, healthy relationship with yourself, with others, with your children. What is it that you used have to keep you going and working towards the goals you set for?
Krystal: Actually, it is my favorite bible verse which is the second Timothy 1:7, which is God has not given us a spirit of fear but love, power and a sound mind. So, anything that I do I don’t do it in fear, I do it in love and I try to keep that the forefront to keep a positive attitude and spirit so that I’m happy, my husband’s happy and my children are happy if anyone encounters me feels that energy as well.
Kimi: Absolutely and I think you give off to everything that you do so you have a very calm, calm spirit, so it definitely works especially with three little ones, kudos to you.
Krystal: It’s hard but…
Kimi: Well, thank you Krystal for your time and again Krystal Rising on LinkedIn is the best way to get in contact with you and follow you in your ventures and your marriage and in parenting and starting a small family, so thank you so much.
Krystal: And at a young age, as well.
Kimi: Yes at a young age, you weren’t that young but okay at a young as well too. So, we hope to have you again on the show on the podcast and thank you so much for your time.
Krystal: Thank you so much.
Kimi: All righty, goodbye, until next time.
Outro: It was a pleasure to have you join us on this episode of the Early Accountability Podcast with Kimi Walker. Be sure to visit earlyaccountability.com to sign up for the Early Accountability newsletter. We look forward to activating your greatness in helping you reach your goals.